Abusive Relationship Help

     If you are in an abusive relationship, you need help.  With this website, I will attempt to accomplish two things for you:  first, I will describe characteristics of an abusive relationship, and second, I will give you some suggestions for how to get out of an abusive relationship.

Characteristics of an Abusive Relationship:

Physical abuse - hitting, punching, pushing, use of weapons, etc.

Sexual Abuse - Forcing you to participate in sexual acts you are uncomfortable with.

Verbal Abuse - Demeaning you, criticizing you, embarrassing you, blaming you, calling you names, threatening you

Controlling behavior - Acting possessive, irrational jealousy, not allowing you to go anywhere, not allowing you access to monry

Isolation - Cutting you off from friends and family

How does abuse affect a person?

     As abuse occurs, the victim being abused starts to lose self-esteem, and begins to blame his/herself.  Avictim of abuse may experience depression, have feelings of denial, and may turn to drugs and alcohol in an attempt to ease the pain.  Instead of pulling away from the abuser, the victim of abuse will often cling even more tightly, believing that the abuser loves them and noone else will.

     Denial is a very powerful problem.  It causes the victim to become loyal to the abuser despite the abuse that is occuring.  Drug and alcohol abuse is very common when there is an abusive relationship.

Help!

     First of all, the victim cannot change the abuser.  No matter how much you love them, how good you are, how clean you keep the house, you will not change the abuser.  The abuser must be committed to change and must participate in extensive therapy.  The abuser must be away from the victim in order to change.  If the abuser is unwilling to seek help, the victim must escape from the situation.  If the abuse is violent, you can expect that leaving will intensify the abuser's anger and this is a dangerous situation.  A majority of women who are murdered by their abusers are murdered after they leave.  I don't say this to scare you into staying; instead, I want you to be prepared.  Do not leave on an impulse.  You must have a plan before leaving.  This includes having appropriate documentation, such as birth certificates, social security cards, as well as having cash on hand.  Also, make sure that you have a safe location to go.  This may be a friend's house, the home of a family member, or even a shelter.

     The bottom line is that if you are in an abusive relationship, you must escape.  You must do it for yourself and for the abuser.  If you have children, it is especially important to get away.  You do not need your children witnessing abuse or being the victim of abuse.  A large percentage of men who abuse saw their own fathers abusing their mothers.  Instead of changing the cycle, they repeat it.  You need to escape so that you do not create an abused wife in your daughter or an abuser in your son.  I implore you, please do not tolerate and accept abuse in your life.